Wrestlemania 33 Predictions!

Overall, I’m fairly interested in this Wrestlemania. I’ve seen a lot of negativity about the built, but I think since I’ve kept my expectations low, I’m still high on the possibilities. I’ll also be fairly drunk by the main event, so that should help. Some predictions:

Six Pack Challenge for the Smackdown Women’s Championship

So all the women on Smackdown are here, with a surprise return of Naomi in time for the event. They’ve compressed all of the women’s storylines into this match, which is both good and bad. Good that they all get a match on the card, bad in that I don’t expect much from a six person match.

What Should Happen: I don’t really know. My gut says they should put the title on Becky Lynch and let the heels chase it.

What Will Happen: Your guess is as good as mine. They could easily keep it on Alexa, give it to the always solid Mickie James, put it on their best wrestler Becky Lynch, or put it on the hometown hero Naomi, who was getting a big push and a good reaction prior to her injury. I’ll go with Naomi because they do seem very high on her right now. Feel the glow.

Cruiserweight Championship

With the WWE finally putting the belt on Neville, something they should have done from the get-go, the division has stabilized, and started to gain a little traction. Neville’s match with Gallagher at Fastlane was spectacular, and this match, given enough time, could easily be the best match on the card, pre-show or no.

What Should Happen: Aries should win. He hasn’t had any big matches yet, and giving him the title right now can extend this rivalry for a while, and give them some time to develop their other characters.

What Will Happen: Aries will win. I’ve never really enjoyed him as a face, but he can wrestle and he has a character the crowd recognizes. Neville hits the Red Arrow, Aries kicks out, locks in Last Chancery.


The match where guys with nothing to do are thrown. I’m glad it exists, because they at least get to appear. I really only think three guys have a real chance at it, and that’s Braun Strowman, Big Show, and Sami Zayn. All the others I expect to help sell their story.

What Should Happen: Honestly, Braun should probably win it. He needs some heat back after his loss to Roman Reigns at Fastlane. Big Show will get featured because he’s not getting his showdown with Shaq, but he should be putting other guys over at this point in his career. I want Sami to win in my heart of hearts, but I feel like him losing will be stepping stone to moving him over to Smackdown (I hope).

What Will Happen: Braun wins. He’s the clear favorite, and I suspect he’ll win so that he can jump right back into his rivalry with Roman. Last two are Show and Braun, with Braun dumping him in a show of force.

Triple Threat Raw Tag Team Championship Ladder Match

This match is going to be chaos, as most ladder matches devolve into. Strange choice to make it a ladder match the week before the show, especially with the buzz about the Hardys rejoining the WWE soon. It seems custom made for them to come back and crash the match, but Wrestlemania hasn’t really been the place for surprises lately, at least not drastic changes to the card.

What Should Happen: Enzo and Cass should win. They aren’t as good in the ring as either of the other two teams, but they are still over on the mic, and their first titles are long overdue.

What Will Happen: Enzo and Cass will win. They’ll hold the titles for a while, and maybe the Hardys appear the next night on Raw, although the WWE rarely does face vs face matches. Have to stick with it.

Intercontinental Championship

Despite how aimless Dean’s booking can be at times, I still have a soft spot in my heart for the former Jon Moxley. That being said, I think Baron Corbin is the most improved wrestler on the roster over the past year, and it’s about time for a championship run.

What Should Happen: Corbin wins. Ambrose is basically bulletproof, and Corbin needs the win and a title to give him some rub.

What Will Happen: Corbin wins. Ambrose does something crazy and loses, or Corbin maybe bends the rules a bit. Either way, Corbin walks out champ.

Mixed Tag Team Match

This match has had great build, mainly on the skill of The Miz and Cena. There’s long been a rumor of Cena and Nikki winning and then Cena proposing in the ring. Would be a great story and a fitting way to end Nikki’s career.

What Should Happen: Cena and Nikki win. Miz and Maryse were built to lose this match.

What Will Happen: Cena and Nikki wins, and Cena proposes in the middle of the ring. Miz and Maryse move on into another great feud, because Miz is straight up the best heel in the company right now.

Jericho vs Owens

The match with the longest and best build on the card, one that I don’t expect to be a great match technically, but one I do expect to have great storytelling, especially with these two in the ring.

What Should Happen: Jericho wins, finally getting revenge on his former best friend, redeeming himself in the process.

What Will Happen: Jericho’s post-Mania plans only include Fozzy, so I expect KO to win, maybe with some help from Samoe Joe, in pretty brutal fashion. Either way, this is the last of Jericho we see for a while, until his next run. Still staggering how good he’s been this late in his career.

Shane McMahon vs AJ Styles

Much snark has been uttered about this match wasting AJ Styles, but frankly I’d rather see him wrestling Shane O’ Mac than nobody at all. If anyone can pull a good match out of Shane at his age, it’s Styles.

What Should Happen: AJ wins when a crazy dive from Shane fails.

What Will Happen: AJ wins, and appears on Raw the next night, a fresh signing from a new GM.

Women’s Fatal 4-Way Elimination Championship

I’m much more intrigued by this match with it being an elimination match. It allows for more interesting booking and lets the final two shine more than if there were a couple other wrestlers laying on the outside. I’m a fan of all of them, even Nia, and I’m excited for this match.

What Should Happen: Sasha wins, with Bayley tapping out. I’m tired of Charlotte in the title picture, and Nia isn’t ready yet.

What Will Happen: Hard to say. All signs point to a Bayley/Sasha post Mania feud, calling back to the same in NXT, but how they execute it is all up in the air. Bayley wins, and Sasha beats her down after taking the pin. The Raw Women’s division hopefully gets Emma back, because it certainly needs fresh blood.

HHH vs Seth Rollins

The Destroyer and the Kingslayer. Rollins’ injury complicates this match, but ultimately the “non-sanctioned” stipulation (I guess it means No-DQ?) means they can play to Rollins’ limitation with his knee, and hopefully he won’t reinjure himself. I expect either Samoa Joe or Kevin Owens to play a part in this.

What Should Happen: Rollins wins, at the end of the day, and HHH disappears for a while. Rollins can feud with Owens or Joe.

What Will Happen: Rollins wins? It doesn’t really give them anything for HHH to win, but of course that hasn’t stopped them in the past. Maybe Finn Balor comes back and evens the odds, considering his appearances vs Hunter on house shows. It makes zero sense kayfabe wise, but whatever.

WWE Championship

Bray Wyatt, finally a champion, finally overcoming the horrible booking he’s faced for years. Randy Orton destroying the Wyatt family from the inside. I’ve liked the sometimes goofy build for this match, and think this will be the best match of the “main events”. Bray is a singular talent, and Randy is among the greatest when motivated.

What Should Happen: Bray wins. I feel like he’s had a terrific run lately, and should have a long run with the title.

What Will Happen: It feels obvious that Bray should win this, but I keep having doubts about them not putting the title on Randy and letting this rivalry run until Summerslam. I feel like it’s been paced relatively well, and I hope it ends here with a decisive Wyatt victory.

Roman Reigns vs Undertaker

Ugh. I’m not opposed to this match in theory, but the build for it has been atrocious. ‘Taker can barely move, and if I hear “my yard” again I’m going to tear my hair out. If Roman can pull even a good match out of a hobbled Undertaker, it proves his ability. I’m not holding my breath.

What Should Happen: Roman wins, decisively. He should destroy the Undertaker. What has bothered me most about Roman’s booking is his wishy washy morality. If he truly is the big dog, he should overwhelm the Undertaker.

What Will Happen: Who knows? This is by far the most interesting thing about this match, in their meta-narrative choices in how they book it. ‘Taker seems to be on his last legs as a performer, and if he’s finishing up his career, he should at least put over one wrestler from the so called New Era. But what do you do with Roman’s character after this? Is he just an unrepentant ass-kicker? The next Cena, where they feed him Strowman, and then Lesnar, and then whoever else is next? I hope not, but that’s what I fear. Roman wins, probably in a boring match that makes me feel bad for ‘Taker.

Universal Championship

Who cares? This match feels much like their last ‘Mania match, when both were heading out of the company. Brock will still be around after this match, but I expect this thing to be a hot pile of garbage.

What Should Happen: We travel back in time and Goldberg decides not to wrestle again. The title stays with Owens, or he loses it to someone else who could actually use it.

What Will Happen: Brock wins. Goldberg sweats a bunch, probably bleeds as well. Brock loses the title to Roman at Summerslam. I watch Smackdown exclusively.

Money in the Bank 2016 Predictions

It’s been a while, but a nice wrestling prediction post is a good thing. So here are my thoughts for MITB 2016.

Golden Truth vs Breezango

Oh Tyler Breeze. You became exactly what we all expected. I’ve heard that this is a good low-card angle, but I can’t muster up any excitement for it. Golden Truth wins?

Winner: Golden Truth

The Dudley Boyz vs The Lucha Dragons

Is there a story to this match? The Dragons should win this, as the Dudleyz are clearly in the nostalgia heel team that puts over younger teams role now. The Dragon wins, and Kalisto gets a nice warm up for his spot in the ladder match.

Winner: The Lucha Dragons

Baron Corbin vs Dolph Ziggler

How is this still happening? This feud has gone on and on and on, with entirely too much amateur wrestling headgear involved, with entirely too many DQ and non-DQ stipulations involved. Big Banter wins, convincingly.

Winner: Baron Corbin

Rusev vs Titus O’Neil

I’m glad to see Titus in anything meaningful, but there is a 0% chance that he wins this match. Rusev is being built back up as a monster heel, and is doing a great job. Rusev crush!

Winner: Rusev

Charlotte & Dana Brooke vs Natalya & Becky Lynch

Seemingly a placeholder women’s match, with no title implications. Seem like they’re treading water until Summerslam, and despite reports about Sasha Banks’ injury bug, I still don’t see how they don’t get her involved soon. Since this is a match with a heel champion with no actual implications, Nattie and Becky win.

Winner: Natalya & Becky Lynch

New Day vs. Enzo & Big Cass vs. The Vaudevillains vs. The Club

This match should be really entertaining, with a lot of nonsense and mayhem. The New Day certainly don’t need the belts, and taking it off of them in a four way certainly protects them from the loss, but I don’t see them losing the titles. If and when they lose them, it’ll be something more meaningful. I hope.

Winner: The New Day

The Money in the Bank Ladder Match (Alberto Del Rio vs Sami Zayn vs Kevin Owens vs Chris Jericho vs Dean Ambrose vs Cesaro vs ?)

The Ladder match rarely disappoints, and I fully expect this match to be another barn burner. Anyone could theoretically win this match, but most are narrowing it to either Owens or Ambrose. Owens has been consistently great, but I think to predict this match you have to look down the line to what the Wrestlemania plans are. Considering the Shield triple threat was the plan for ‘Mania this year until Rollins got hurt, I fully expect them to push it to next year. I also expect a Zayn/Owens match in what will probably be a life-long blood feud in the WWE. I fully expect Ambrose to win, because it’s the simplest thing in the world and the potential for those three in the same story will always be compelling. They can’t screw that up, right?

Winner: Dean Ambrose

John Cena vs AJ Styles

AJ Styles is the best wrestler in the world. John Cena knows that, but I don’t think he understands it. Styles wins, no interference, no Club, no Finn. Just Cena losing because he’s not prepared, and still recovering from his injury. He’ll probably get his win back at either of or both of the next PPVs, but Styles wins the first.

Winner: AJ Styles

Roman Reigns vs Seth Rollins

All of that history, and this is where it ends? No one expects it to, and I expect we’ll see some nonsense DQ ending. Or Roman wins and Rollins weasels his way into another match. Whichever happens, these two are going to be fighting long enough for the new MITB holder Dean Ambrose to get involved at some point.

Winner: Roman Reigns